05 June 2012

I want you

Me debes Universo. Quisiera poder decĆ­rtelo de manera diplomĆ”tica, pero creo que nos vamos a saltar la etapa de la negociaciĆ³n. Yo he hecho todo de mi parte: he sido organizada, responsable, he tratado al mĆ”ximo de complacer a todo mundo, ahora es tu turno. He querido esto por mucho tiempo, desde que tengo uso de razĆ³n, sĆ© que tengo las capacidades para hacerlo y no me veo haciendo otra cosa.

Y tĆŗ me debes. Porque en el segundo examen de Estructuras III el ingeniero no me puso los veinte puntos de mi ejercicio que estaba bien hecho, lo dejĆ© pasar esperando su retribuciĆ³n para el tercer examen y al final terminĆ© sacando un horroroso 60 que mancha mi certificado de notas. No creas que lo he olvidado.

Todo lo que me has pedido lo he hecho sin quejarme, con dedicaciĆ³n y hasta con buen humor. He tratado de ser una buena compaƱera de apartamento, de cocinar saludablemente, me he esforzado por limar asperezas cuando han existido, me he mantenido al margen de conflictos y de negatividad.

Me debes porque apenas hice una amiga entre mis compaƱeros de maestrĆ­a. Fui la Ćŗnica extranjera, no tenĆ­amos nada en comĆŗn, era mayor que ellos y puedo contar con los dedos de una mano las interacciones que tuvimos. JamĆ”s habĆ­a experimentado algo parecido.

Me debes porque tengo dos aƱos pidiƩndote otra cosa, lastimera letanƭa recurrente y no me has escuchado. Me debes porque seguramente aunque eso resultara, mi vida ya no va a ser lo que me imaginƩ que serƭa.

Me debes porque cuando tenĆ­a diecisiete aƱos me obligaste a quedarme en Honduras, a estudiar en la AutĆ³noma y cuando finalmente obtuve mi diploma arruinaste el paĆ­s y estuve seis meses buscando trabajo. AĆŗn cuando estĆ© pudriĆ©ndome dos metros bajo tierra seguirĆ© recordando eso.

EstƔs en deuda conmigo y esto lo quiero, con todas mis fuerzas, no me deja dormir por la noche o estar en paz durante el dƭa. Me tirarƩ de un sƩptimo piso si no resulta.

Es tu turno y estoy esperando.


You owe me Universe. I wish I could say it in a diplomatic way but I think we’re just going to skip the negotiation phase. I have done everything on my part: I’ve been organized and responsible; I have tried to please everyone as much as humanly possible, now it’s your turn. I have wanted this for a very long time, ever since I can remember, I know I have the ability to do it and I don’t see myself doing anything else.

And you owe me. Because in the second exam of my third Structures course in college the professor wouldn’t give me the twenty points of my correctly done exercise. I let it go hoping a retribution for the third exam and I ended getting a horrendous 60 that stains my grades certificate. Don’t think I have forgotten about it.

Everything you have asked of me I did it without any complaints, with dedication and even good humor. I have tried to be a good roommate, of cooking healthy; I have made the effort of repairing any misunderstandings when there have been some, I have stayed far away from conflicts and negativity.

You owe me because I barely made one friend amongst my colleagues in the Master. I was the only foreign one, we had nothing in common, I was older than they and I can count with my fingers on one hand the number of interactions we had. I have never experienced something as awful as that.

You owe me because I been asking you for something else for two years now, a pitiful recurring litany you have chosen not to hear. You owe me because even if that ended up happening now, my life will never be what I imagined it would.

You owe me because when I was seventeen years old you forced me to stay in Honduras, to study in the UNAH and when I finally got my diploma you ruined the country and I spent six months looking for a job. I will be rotting six feet under and I will still be remembering that.

You are in debt with me and I want this, with every fiber of my being; I can’t sleep at night or be at peace during the day. I will throw myself from a seventh floor if it doesn’t turn out.

It’s your turn and I’m waiting.

2 comments

  1. Marce, espero que lo que queres te salga! Mantenenos al tanto y "courage"!

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  2. Gracias Gaby! Cruzo los dedos :P

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