25 October 2006

never drink and write

It’s a very dangerous thing to do. Here’s the thing: it’s Wednesday afternoon. You’re supposed to be in class, or working in your Design project, or at least in the gym not wasting the money your mother spends on it. But no, you’re getting drunk in Ruby’s. Shame on you.

It’s the greatest thing, you finally get to say everything you want without any restrictions (believe or not, there are millions of them the rest of the time), you don’t feel time passing by as your friend is driving you home; terrible music in the radio (the only music you can find on it) doesn’t bother you, and you can write stupid things without any guilt involved.

While we were in the heat of the drinking, I found this amazing friend I haven’t been in touch with for ages. I miss her terribly. I hate most of the people in my faculty, and since she left, my “decent people to talk to” standard has been worst than ever. I tried to downplay my enthusiasm while we were catching up, but I’m aware I’m not fooling anyone.

I’m so fucking tired. I feel like I am being dragged in a million different directions, and I can’t keep up with any of them. In the stupid European Academy my so-called-boss hasn’t even told me if he’s going to hire me or if I’m just wasting my time in training, the same training that doesn’t let me concentrate in my Design class, the one that doesn’t let me sleep. It’s an awful vicious circle.

My weekend nervous breakdown has let me with an emergency homeopathic remedy, a daily bottle of water with a flower-based medicine and the usual amount of regret. So expect a more “together-Marcela” for the next few days. I bet she’s more fun than this insecure, indecisive, and needy person I have sadly become.

10 comments

  1. Anonymous11:31 AM

    If you only had an idea of how happy you can be and how atractive you are.

    If you only give yourself a chance to stop pointing fingers on people and yourself and would only try to focus on all the reachable things you have instead of the unreachables, you would probably know that you are much more able than many of us to achieve 'true' happines.

    You don't know me. And you probably wouldn't. I seeked for your mail all over your blog since I read it (with certain regularity) to get in touch, but you don't have it nowhere. This is not a complain. I kinda play the same thing anyway.

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  2. Anonymous11:57 AM

    I love the way you write. También en español. Soy un lector ocasional de tu blog, de hace creo más o menos un año. Es todo lo que creo que necesitás saber sobre mí.

    Es sorprendente cómo una muchacha tan inteligente y racional puede dejar ver entre líneas cómo sus mayores virtudes, en vez de ser sus aliadas, pueden convertirse en sus peores defectos (no sintás por favor esto último como un ataque. No es lo que busco).

    Es probable que si nos conociéramos te caería mal, o me criticarías como criticás a tus compañeros de la universidad, tu entorno social, los religiosos, tus profesores o la política. Digo eso con la misma frustración con la que vos hablas de ellos.

    Solo quería manifestarte que hay seres humanos que no sabés que existen, que encontramos que tu forma de ser es muy atractiva (sin querer decir que esto podría ser un romance).

    Hasta la próxima aparición. :)

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  3. Anonymous1:03 PM

    uyuyuy hay amor en el ambiente.

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  4. Por primera vez en mucho tiempo no sé qué decir. Mi mail es rasp_marcela@msn.com

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  5. OMG!! You wrote that drunk?! Fi I ahd wriettn taht drunk thsi si hwo it'd be!! hehehehe

    Awww Marce, I so know what you mean. I sometimes feel so lonely here that I just feel like drinking too. That's why I wrote that post back on my blog [that is kinda similar to yours... strange how we are all connected]: did I do the right thing? I look back at my life in Marilia and see how great and settled it was/seemed; but at the same time I see that it wasn't like that in the begining. That's why I'm already trying to prepare myself for next year in Salvador. No matter how I picture this fun party-goer life, I know it'll be just as hard during the first months.

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  6. Anonymous2:22 AM

    Marce, you little ho, zorreando por blogs huh?
    Who are you? Me?
    Ay Marcelita, somehow me alegró ver un post tan violento tuyo, el alcohol si ayuda a canalizar todo eso y siempre sirve hacer eso.
    No te voy a regañar por sentirte así pq G-d knows q yo me siento así half the time.
    Pero no se Marce, (aquí viene mi kabbalah infommercial of the day)
    a TODAS esas cosas q les encontrás tantos defectos, solo deciles "next!", sip así como ese tacky show de MTV, mientras menos analicés y más te des cuenta de todo lo que le podés sacar a esos daily dramas, más te vas a dar cuenta de lo que querés y de lo q, ]I'm sure, you'll become.

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  7. Anonymous2:25 AM

    ...ooh y estoy totalemnte de acuerdo con el anonymous guy: you are one hot girl.

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  8. HOLA, ENCUENTRO LO MAS QUE HAY ESCRIBIR TU BLOG EN INGLÉS Y CASTELLANO, PERO ME ENCANTARÍA VE OTROS IDIOMAS QUE ME ENCANTAN COMO FRANCÉS, PORTUGUÉS E ITALIANO.

    EL INGLÉS EN TU BLOG ¿ES UNA MANERA DE SELECCIONAR TU PUBLICO?

    SALUDO DE UNA DE LAS ASOCIADAS A LA COFRADIA DE LAS ARDILLAS AMARILLAS, MARÍA LAURA MUJICA.

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  9. Escribí este post en inglés por que estaba en un estado alterado de la conciencia ;) Fue muy inocente

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  10. Great post:).Y porq sadly become?Todos necesitamos de otros,somos seres que inevitablemente no podemos dejar de interactuar,pero te entiendo,no me gusta darme cuenta de cuanto necesito a otro.Un abrazo Marcela.

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